My Lillitu, the mother of my spiritual child

For the past week I have been working with a Lillitu named Azabul, performing a rite to birth a spiritual child. At night, when everyone else in the house is asleep, I take a shower and lie in the tub while envisioning Azabul and summoning her. When she arrives (usually known when I can clearly see her with my eyes closed) I remind her of her task and then ritually masturbate while envisioning us having intercourse and give her more of my essence, making sure not to open my eyes till I give her license to depart. After we have finished, I again remind her of the task I have given her and then give her permission to leave.

For the service she is performing for me (bearing, then eventually birthing, my spiritual child) I have agreed to construct a wooden disk bearing her sigil so she may inhabit it and become stronger.

Every time she appears my vision tends to darken and light coalesces into an oval shape, usually of red blue and purple. After giving the final call the oval forms into the shape of a young Latino woman in her early twenties, usually with long brown hair and deep brown eyes (on two occasions the eyes have been blue, and once the hair was short or tied back, I could not tell). She will usually take my hand and hold it against her belly for a moment before beginning, and will then lie on me afterwards while whispering the details of the sigil she wishes me to place on the wooden disk (apparently a red -^- shape painted in acrylic). Often the feeling of her touch is very faint, building to an almost tangible sensation around my lips and chest when she kisses or strokes those areas with her hands.

For anyone interested, the calling I use has this core, with elaborations as fitting to the mood of the day;

“oh spirit (name) I call thee by the word and name of Narlathotep, rise, rise that I may see thy form

Oh spirit (name) I call thee by the forsworn covenant between man and the gods, Rise, that I mat hear thy coming

Spirit (name) I summon thee by the words of power, I command the to rise that I may feel thy skin, Rise that I may taste the sweet nectar of thy chalice, Rise that I may smell the sweet musk of thy quivering skin,

I command thee to rise and smell the incense!”

When she appears I remind her of her service to me

…

When finished I remind her of her Service to me

I give her the license to depart:

“Oh spirit (name) by the word and name of Narlathotep I grant thee permission the leave, Go. Remember well the work you must do, and forget not the covenant.”

I will than wash myself while thinking or saying “purge me oh lord and I will be clean, wash me and I will be whiter than snow.”